Do Sum’thn

I verbally vomited on my friend, Jocelyn Wallace, late Friday night.  I am posting my email I wrote to her.  It was my heart – raw and unpolished.  I decided to make this my blog post today – not much editing – just put it out there…

I have been to the Leadership Summit 9 times.  Last year I sat in the women’s lounge nursing a baby the whole 2 days.  Listening, taking in, inspired, and filled up but had no capacity for any change outside of the little jewel named Janae Karina I was holding in my arms.

This year is different.  I have more questions than answers.  I have an larger than normal emptiness in my soul that was ready to be filled.  The first speaker I heard challenged me to look at my work life and I realize I am being under challenged.  Part of me allowed that because of my stage of life.  A wife and mother of 2 young children.  But I also realized that part of me was stagnate.  The speakers that day – none of them knowing what the other was specifically speaking on – had a theme.  Do something.  Or, as my sista said, sum’thn.  Do sum’thn.  Don’t ask.  Just go do it. 

So, I asked myself – what do I want to do?  What have I been saying for a long time that I want?   Some things I cannot change – but what can I change?

First of all, I have been dreaming for as long as I can remember of having a sunroom.  I just keep putting it off.  Other things come first.  We had a house in one town we lived in – we had just finished a new roof.  Put everything in to prepare for the new sunroom.  We moved 2 months later. 

 I have been to the fair most of my life. I go to the Varied Industries building.  Do you know what I go to?  Sunrooms.  Those guys know me. Here’s the lady that wants the sunroom but never puts her money where her mouth is.  I have had 2 estimates for sunrooms.  It’s time.  It’s time for the sunroom. 

But it’s not just about a sunroom.  It’s about sanctuary.  A sacred place for me to journal, read, and pray.  It’s cheaper than therapy.  It is therapy.  Not only do I want a sunroom but I am going to Wicker and the Works in Valley Junction and they are going to help me make my dream a beautiful reality. 

What else do I want to do?  It’s time to get schooled.  Yes.  I am going back to school.  What do I really want to be about?  As I approach the midpoint of life, what do I want the second half of my life to be about?  I want to bring out the best in other people.  That starts at home – but what’s next, really?  I can do it in not only my workplace  – I want to leave a significant contribution in the lives of my family and others.  I want to be with them, for them, support them, encourage them, contribute to their dreams.  Not just a cheerleader on the sidelines but participating with them. Running beside them – be a coach and ally they need when we hit the wall.  So I am going to school to get my masters in servant leadership.  Who even knew there was such a thing??? 

I figure 3 is a nice full number so how about finishing my list at 3.  I can do three sum’thns.  But sumthn #3 – well, it was scary.  I knew I was to somehow get involved in the sex slave trade and with organizations or women or well, sum’thn.  I don’t even know.  And honestly, I didn’t want to know.  I have a girl in my house that is a bright, shiny, brand new soul in the world.  There are some nightmares I don’t want to know anymore about.  I know they exist.  That’s enough.  But I knew I gotta do sum’thn.  So I sent an email to my friend who is passionate about this and I have other friends who started a non-profit.  I sent an email to the International Justice Mission to get information about sponsoring them – put my money where my mouth is – and begin investigating this horrific and injust practice in our world.

 And there I am.  There is nothing stopping me from doing sum’thn.  Except one thing $$.  I got no money.  I need some cash.  Loot.  I need sum’thn for sum’thn to happen.  So I had to ask myself – what do I have?  What do I have that can help me do sum’thn?  Well,   I have a voice.  But what in the world could I say that hasn’t already been said?  That’s not the point.  I don’t need to be the original.  I am your reminder.  I am the beep on your phone that reminds you – you have got an appointment.  Your appointment is now.  And I give you courage.  Strength.  Blessing to show up at the appointment.  Do sum’thn.  

What’s stopping you?  When you gonna do sum’thn?  There is sum’thn you are supposed to do you know. 

Where’s your sunroom – your sanctuary?  Where do you think about the sum’thn and the stuff you are going to do.  You are a steward of this life. 

What do you need to be schooled in?  Who can you learn from?  Who can you serve? 

And finally what are you scared of?  It’s time to look that thing square in the face.  Sex slave trade, I am not scared of you.  Money, I am not going to let you dictate to me my dreams, hopes, and limits.  I will not be afraid. 

What does scare me?  Doing nothing.  So do sum’thn.